RESUME FOR Vader, Lord Darth
by frodogenic
Summary: Experienced Sith Lord seeking full-time employment in the field of total galactic domination.


A/N: As several of you may suspect, I have applied for one too many jobs in the last six months... Many thanks to my inestimable beta **Mathematica**.

...

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Darth Vader

_Comlink:_ 666.666.6666

_Holonet:_ darth . vader imp . nav . mil

_202 Imperial Palace Blvd Quarters AA-23_

_Imperial City, Coruscant

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**Objective**

To rule 100% of the known galaxy and a target 25% of the unknown galaxy with a selectively chosen Force-empowered sidekick (now accepting applications, Jedi need not apply).

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**Education**

**I) **Mos Espa Technical Community Training Center

Certificate in **Antiquated Machinery Maintenance** and **Droid Construction**

Curriculum Vitae: _POD110-PE (Introduction to Podracing), BUS112 (Basics of Bartering), HUT142 (Huttese – Human Dialect), ORS107-CC (Introduction to Outer Rim Studies), PHI103 (Survival of the Fittest), DES114 (Desert Survival Training), GAM321 (Gambling for Amateurs)_

**II) **Jedi Temple: Academy of Holistic Force Studies

Training Advisors: _Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jd.M; Yoda, Jd.M; Mace Windu, Jd.M_

Concentrations in **Martial Arts,** and **Negotiation**

_Summa cum forte_

Curriculum Vitae: _LTS590 (Advanced Djem-So), LTS720 (Competitive Dueling), SPN530 (Orbital Combat I), SPN531 (Orbital Combat II), POS473 (Legislatorial Theory), DIP564 (Aggressive Negotiations), HUT630 (Exploring Classic Huttese Literature), PHI518 (The Jedi-Sith Conflict), PHI673 (Evaluating Non-Attachment Philosophy and Its Effects), SOC428 (Conflict and Change in Alien Cultures), SOC440 (Interclass-Intraspecies Relationships)_

**III) **Republic War College

B.A. in **Tactics and Strategy**

Minor in **Astronavigation**

Practical Field Study Tours on Geonosis, Kamino, Virujansi, Felucia, and other locations

**IV) **E. Palpatine Institute for Unconventional Force Studies

Training Advisor: _E. Palpatine, Sh.M_

Concentrations in **Advanced Martial Arts, State-Sponsored Violence** and **Dynamic Leadership**

Minor in **Strangulation Studies**

_Magna cum malus_

Curriculum Vitae: _ULTRA-CLASSIFIED

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**Work Experience**

**I) **Pod Engine Scrubber (Watto's General Merchandise, Inc.)

_Worked independently to achieve daily quota of repaired engine parts_

_Provided flexible support to other departments of store as needed_

**II) **Loss-Prevention Officer (Watto's General Merchandise, Inc.)

_Managed unusual financial transactions_

_Defended merchandise against potential theft on a daily basis_

_Improved knowledge of useful professional skills (gambling, embezzlement, fraud, et al.)_

**III) **Caf Acquisition Officer (Jedi Council)

_Personally filled Mace Windu's caf mug up to twelve times per day_

_Developed mental agility in order to remember twelve separate caf orders while running down fifty-two flights of stairs to Temple Cafeteria_

**IV) **Shaak Traffic Controller (Naboo Ministry of Nature Preservation)

_Directed and re-directed large herds of shaak in accordance with the directives of senior Nubian government officials, at great personal risk _

**V) **Diplomatic Intern (Office of Senator Padmé Amidala)

_Studied galactic-level political figures on a highly intimate level_

_Enjoyed extensive personal involvement in Senator Amidala's work_

_Capably and creatively met Senator Amidala's miscellaneous needs_

**VI) **Tea Maker (Grand Army of the Republic)

_Personally filled Obi-Wan Kenobi's teacup up to thirty-one times per standard day_

_Mastered art of brewing sixty-four varieties of tea efficiently while under fire_

**VII) **General (Grand Army of the Republic)

_Commanded crack infantry and starfighter squadrons in a variety of combat situations against extreme odds_

_Trained Jedi Padawans in the GAR Accelerated Officer Training Program_

_Won several dozen critical engagements. What._

**VIII) **Master (Jedi Order)

_Learned to work with young people to the best of their admittedly limited ability._

_Capably dealt with difficult situations such as temper tantrums, teamwork on battlefields, insubordination, "women's issues", etc, etc._

**IX) **General Manager (Imperial Jedi Extermination Services)

_Coordinated and executed the elimination of ten thousand plus enemies of the state over the course of two years_

_Reduced operating costs by 62% through creative cost-cutting measures such as mass executions and use of energy-efficient weaponry_

**X) **Personal Assistant (Office of the Galactic Emperor)

_Personally filled His Imperial Majesty's hot chocolate mug at least fifty times per week_

_Assumed progressive responsibility for approximately 35% of all Imperial governing decisions, including but not limited to military operations, intelligence agencies, selective elimination of inconvenient persons, environmental disasters, charitable donations, and office supply acquisition for fourteen bureaucratic ministries_

**XI) **Commander-in-Chief (Imperial Armed Forces)

_Exercised direct, total, absolute, irrevocable, and unequivocal command of the Imperial Navy, Army, Marines, and Merchant Marines, comprising over seventeen trillion Imperial military personnel, fifty trillion droid personnel, and an estimated google of civilian adjuncts_

_Honorary President of Imperial Military Academy of Carida_

_De Facto Heir to Imperial Throne_

_Official hot chocolate-maker to His Imperial Majesty the Emperor

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**Honors, Recognitions, and Accomplishments**

**I) **First recipient of the Shmi M. Skywalker All-Star Son Award

**II) **Winner of Boonta Eve Podrace

**III) **Recipient of the Nubian Royal Gratitude Award for Exceptional Services to the Cause of Freedom

**IV) **Junior Padawan of the Year

**V) **Basic Meditation: Most Improved

**VI) **Six-time All-Jedi Dueling Champion

**VII) **Voted "Hero With No Fear" by the Coruscant Times.

**VIII) **Coauthor of _From Frontlines to Headlines: Reflections of a Jedi War Hero_

**IX) **Author of _Ten thousandAnd Then There Were None: A History of the Jedi Purges  
_

**X) **GalactiVogue Weekly's Most Handsome Humanoid Award

**XI) **Two-time recipient of the Senatorial Medal of Valor

**XII) **DroidXTreme Magazine's Cyborg of the Millennium

**XIII) **First place, All-Core Freestyle Starfighter Modification Competition

**XIV) **Outside engineering consultant for Sienar Fleet Systems

**XV) **Number One, _List of Chief Enemies of the Alliance to Restore the Republic_; also voted "Most Feared Imperial Goon"

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**Languages**

**I) **Basic

**II) **Huttese (Human, Hutt, Rodian, and Toydarian)

**III) **UBLSC-SN (Universal Binary Light Signal Code: Space Navigation)

**IV) **Standard Binary Code

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**Interests and Hobbies**

**I) **Long solo flights in hyperspace

**II) **Superweapon construction

**III) **Terrorizing underlings

**IV) **Brooding

**V) **Stargazing

**VI) **Rebel hunting

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**Licenses and Certifications**

**I) Heavy Weapons Operator License**; issued by Imperial Ministry of Licenses: Ordnance, Objects of Non-neutral Intent and Improvised Explosives (IML-OONIIE)

**II) Unconventional Weapons License – Lightsaber**; issued by Imperial Ministry of Non-neutral Objects – Jewel-base Energy Dependent Implements (IMNO-JEDI)

**III) Concealed-Carry License – blaster, pocket knife**; issued by Imperial Ministry of Light Offensive and Defensive Devices (IM-LODeD)

**IV) Certified Droid Repairman**

**V) Astronavigation, Grade IV Space Pilot (Small, Mid, and Large Spacecraft), and Hyperdrive Operation Certifications**

**VI) Combat Medic, Paramedic, and Paranormal Medic Certifications**; issued by Galactic Republic Advanced Medical Practice Association (GRAMPA), confirmed by Imperial Ministry of Associated Doctors, Orthopedists, and Clinical Technicians and Receptionists (IM-ADOCTR)

**VII) Podracer Piloting License**; issued by Jabba the Hutt

**VIII) Master-grade Interrogator Certificate**; issued by Imperial Ministry of Efficient and Violent Interrogation for Libertarians (IM-EVIL)

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P.S.: You WILL give me an interview...you WILL give me an interview...


End file.
